Oprah did it.

While I don't really have a bucket list per se, I have taken a recent interest in trying new things. The wedding is over, I'm no longer searching for a job and let's face it: one can only go to Ross and Marshals so many times in one week. Cue Pole Dancing. I'm serious. Don't laugh. I mean, Oprah did it on national television. How bad can it be?

Flashback to Monday:

New Friend Stephanie: "Hey, you wanna take a class?

Me: "What kind of class?"

New Friend Stephanie: " I dunno, like pole dancing?"

Next thing I knew I was googling pole dancing + New Jersey (while simultaneously teaching math of course) and suddenly we were signed up for a beginning pole dancing class at Diamond Angels. Classy, I know.

What?! I'm not joking.

So we pull up to a cute little brick building in the middle of a quaint little town called Haddonfield, New Jersey--Not a Diamond Angel in sight. Immediately, we wonder if we are in the right place. I mean, because pole-dancing classes should be held in old run-down neighborhoods, with bars on the windows, right?



Now I'm completely panicked. I mean, what am I going to say to the girl at the desk?? "Hi, um, is this the place where they teach me how to work a pole?" Really? I'd rather die. Lucky for me, as soon as we walked in, we saw six poles and girls wrapped like human pretzels around them. To make matters worse, we see this suspicious vehicle parked out front.



I mean C'MON! Can't a girl just do a little pole dancing in peace? Apparently, they were doing some article about the place and wanted us to be a part of it. I can see it now: "Hey Johnny, isn't this your math teacher on page six.... POLE DANCING?" No, thank you. I would like to decline commenting. Listen, I am not one bit ashamed of getting in touch with my inner sexy, but does the WORLD have to know?

So anyway, I am greeted by this petite African-American girl who is bra-less and just posed upside-down, spread eagle for MR. Newspaper man. I would soon find out she would be my instructor. There were several other instructors there, as well (Getting some practice in, before work?? I have no idea!) One girl looked like she had some serious stomach goo going on. Yes, goo. Like, perhaps she just had a baby--like yesterday.

I was one of four girls in the class-- me, new friend Stephanie (who turned out to be a natural,) a random blonde girl who didn't speak, and a chic with a piercing thought her nose.


We were soon instructed to take a pole. (Damn! I knew I should have brought my antibacterial wipes.) I. could. not. stop. giggling.



I wasn't so good. I have a new found respect for these women. This sh*t is HARD!



New Friend Stephanie was much better than me.



PS, please don't steal these videos and send them to Miss USA in case I ever decide I want to take on pageantry.