Oh Heavens no! I know what you're thinking. I'm not having one of these anytime soon, but while we're on the subject I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest about the miracle of birth.
Recently, several of my friends have become preggo with their first child and I couldn't be more excited for them! I imagine there is no greater happiness in life than having children and I am certainly looking forward to this chapter in life. However, after listening to non-stop-pregnant-talk, quite frankly, there's just a few things I feel you should know.
Brace yourself.
Leakage. Seriously? You're telling me these things are going to blow up, fill with milk,sag down and leak all over my clothes like a wet bathing suit? Gross. Did you know they make special bras for nursing? What are these bras made out of?
Pumping. Okay, call me crazy but I don't get it, nor did I think I ever wanted to find out. To kill my curiosity, here's what I found out:
To use an electric pump, you put a breast cup or shield over your breast, turn the machine on, and let it do the work of suctioning your milk into an attached container. Manual pumps also use a breast cup or shield, but you extract the milk by operating a squeeze mechanism or pulling a plunger with your hand rather than relying on a motor. It usually takes ten to 15 minutes to pump both breasts with a good electric pump and up to 45 minutes with a hand pump.
Plunger? Shield? Are we talking about unclogging my toilet or feeding my baby? And who has 45 minutes to squeeze their own boobs with a screaming newborn??
As if that weren't enough, get this one: When your water breaks, the fluid can be clear, pink, brown, or green. It also has an unusual smell that some people compare to Comet cleanser. Ewe. Gross.
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