Have a Baby by me baby. Be a Millionaire.

Every now and then I like to let my kids listen to the radio while they write. I find writing in silence to be dreadfully uninspiring. In fact, I do most of my best writing listening to the sounds of “Call of Duty” compliments of my future husband (I actually feel like I’m in a combat zone.) Today, I promised a full fifteen minutes of radio in exchange for a three paragraph narrative essay. As I sat at my desk (googling wedding veil pics) I noticed some of the kids mouthing the words to the song that was on, silently singing along as they wrote.

My first thought:

Yay! They are actually writing!

Thought # 2

Wait a minute. I like this song too. I am still a young, cool teacher. Thank God.

And then, my third and final thought:

Have you ever actually paid attention to the lyrics in these songs? At the risk of sounding like my grandfather, I think I may have some insight as to why these teenagers have such a distorted image of success and culture. No, really, I’m not kidding. Here are my top three.

1. 50 Cent, Baby By Me



“Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire.”

It gets better.

“I need you to give what I need. I want the liquor and weed. I need you to maybe give me a seed.”

Message: If you drink alcohol and smoke weed, followed by unprotected sex, you will undoubtedly then become a millionaire.

2. Usher : Let's Make Love In The Club



First of all, the club would indeed be the most unsanitary place on earth to take part in this activity. I don’t even like to touch the bathroom doorknob let alone what my friend Usher is suggesting. Gross.

3. Lady GaGa: Just Dance



I've had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush.
Start to rush by.
A dizzy twister dance
Can't find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.
What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright.

Just dance. Gonna be okay.

Seriously, Lady Gaga? Let me get this straight: You appear to be so wasted that you don’t remember where you are. You have lost your keys and your phone. Your vision appears to be blurred and the guy you were with has suddenly fed you to the wolves. But everything is going to be okay and you are just going to continue to dance. Good luck with that.